The body wants to rest but the mind can’t shut down. It’s too tired to do anything. The TV lights up and the body crumples. Wake up into the day with no clear objective. Too many promise with best of intentions. People overload.
People tell me I look tired. Twice this week, someone tells me I’m in the wrong line of work. My creativity should be used to do something else. First thing that comes to mind: how can I monetize this? Can I make a living out of it? The capitalism has taken its stronghold on me. I can’t escape it. It’s now a part of me.
Overall, I’m frustrated and unfulfilled. The volume of work isn’t what gets me. I can do it. I just don’t have the time to get to everything.
Maybe I’m frustrated with myself. I am not sure where I want to go. Maybe I do but am ignoring it. I’m very good with denials. I am thinking… maybe it’s time to leave this place. There is nothing else here for me. I have bought a place. Gone through renovation. Proven my worth to myself: I can do anything I can put my mind to. I can lead. I can manage. I can make friends and keep them. What else is there for me to do here?
I come back to a beautiful place filled with hand picked items reflecting my taste to give me peace of mind when I return. Even as I sit on my comfy chair in the perfect dining area, I can’t help but wonder… What am I doing here, and why am I here?
Why?