Waka Waka by Shakira brings me back to 2010, when I thought I couldn’t be happier… Running from one place to another. Seeing a brand new place with wide set of excited eyes. It was cold. It was dry. Nothing made sense and the world faded into the background so I could focus on another human being. Seven years later, the world is the focus, and the extra cast fades away.
Time eats everything. Even the good. Especially the good.
Lately, I’ve been feeling bad about the way I’ve withdrawn from the world. I’m peopled out after the week. I have to talk to at least 15 people on a daily basis, and the introvert in me needs time to recharge in my own cocoon.
In social settings, I find myself feeling awkward. Not fully present. Except I know this is how I should feel with two jobs, the apartment under renovation, and living with friends for the past four months. I’m not quite settled in. I don’t have any space to let new people in, and so I don’t.
But I do still worry about the passing of the time. What is the opportunity cost of not going out there and making more human connections when not working? I don’t know what I don’t know. I do have regrets, and I do wonder.
But I am doing the best I can, and I give myself credit for trying.