“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.” by Parker J. Palmer / On Being
I had refrained against reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to make friends and influence people.” Mistaking the title for another “how to unicorn your cronut.” A quick fix to get people to be more gregarious to survive the post-industrial world.
The first three chapters veered me away from my confirmation bias. It’s not a silly ‘how to’ guide. Rather, a philosophy on kindness and generosity: a thoroughly researched and well-written book serving to teach us to be better human being by understanding and empowering those around us.
During the past two years, I’ve had to manage project team members and direct reports. The way I manage direct reports was different from the cross functional team members’. Perhaps it’s the sense of ownership. Direct reports’ well-being and development under my care. With the wider project team, I expected deliverables. I left the development to their supervisors.
Everyone is responsible, including continuous development of others. Especially leading and guiding everyone around us. As we climb the ladder, our words grow legs and volume.
Words meant to encourage may break people down. Taken as criticisms and not suggestions towards improvement. Compliment sandwich, anyone?
Most of us lack self-discipline. Most not encouraged to figure out the how. Most often told to press a button. File paper. Collect signatures. Trained to use the smallest part of the brain.
Is it cruel to demand something totally out of their reach? So cruel that it destroys their self-confidence? Is it like asking the fish to fly? The importance of fitting the right person with the right role…
Did you know? Thomas Hardy stopped writing after receiving harsh criticism. The writer in me mourns for the world’s loss as well as his soul.
Next week at work, I’ll offer no criticism. Maybe this is key to more silence, something I am working on. Something I’m still terrible at. Should will be deleted from my spoken vocabulary until further notice.