The late Stephen Covey, through his book “8th habit”, mentions the importance of creating space between the two forces:
- Stimulus –> Space –> Response (reaction)
- Cause –> Space –> Effect
External forces cannot be controlled or forecast. But we can control how long and big the space needs to be. The space determines the effectiveness and appropriateness of our responses.
It’s not practical to have space for every external force. Intentional space between inhaling and exhaling is called a defibrillator. It would be silly to have space between every step we take. Some things must be hard wired.
On the other hand, it would be terrible to hard wire responses to various emotional stimuli.
Unfortunately, we tend to relate one stimuli to the next, when the person and situation are completely different.
How do we know when to apply the space vs. providing automatic response?
Once we decide, how do we create the right amount of space between the stimuli and the effect?