Friend at work says I look relaxed. As if I have no worry in the world. This is the hardest week of 2018, both emotionally and professionally but I look as if I am cruising. Amazing.
Four years ago, my boss told me to work on my poker face. People could tell when I was upset. And by wearing my emotions on my sleeve, I was perceived to be arrogant or too emotional. It didn’t help that I was annoyed when people didn’t grasp the concept as quickly as I wanted them to.
I used to be an open book. I used to pride myself with this fact, nor did I didn’t think it was necessary or possible to close my book of emotions.
Whatever we work on, we get better at.
I worked to disconnect emotions from my face. Because I was forced to. I had no choice. My health was failing. Past issues combined with international admin caused the negative emotions to color me red. I avoided people at work. People at work avoided me. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Before letting go, I mourned the familiar and painful memories of the past. Everything fell apart. I fell apart.
I hit rock bottom two years ago. And I realized the importance of the poker face. Because, as a leader, the shadow I cast can and will adversely impact my team and those around me. Bad things happen to people. Bad things usually come as a perfect storm.
And after withstanding the storm, I am standing strong on my two feet, and on my back, I carry two houses, a mortgage, some investments and responsibilities for two human beings. I carry in my heart the scars of past pains and sprouts of hope for the future. My mind is as sharp as ever and I know I can withstand any storm. It just takes time and a little bit of help from the world and its kind inhabitants.