Two years ago, I tried and failed to create a blueprint for my life. It’s time to dig it back up.
I feel less antsy. More at ease. I learned once again (how easily do I forget) that I’m responsible for my own feelings. My happiness. I am self-sufficient. I am independent. I am autonomous.
The difference between a man and woman is their opposing coping mechanisms. He withdraws into his silent cave. She speaks and seeks empathy. Men are better at keeping their independence. The cave is a safe space to drown out the noise to find himself. Women are socially conditioned to be nice (most often, at the cost of self). It does not bode well to be around others when women should be drawing into themselves. Because if we don’t know how to be alone, we’ll only know how to be lonely.
Despite the opposing coping mechanisms, both hate to be told what to do unless explicitly asked. No one wants to be reminded of their imperfections. We want to be seen, heard, and accepted for who we are.
Few days ago, I came across an article written by a woman in her 50s. Her epiphany: she wasn’t afraid of abandonment. She had been suffering from engulfment. Over the years, she had lost herself by doing nice things unasked and unappreciated. It was like pouring water into a strainer. Totally unnecessary and completely draining. Without water, we’ll shrivel up into nothing. Why do we pour without restraint? Too much will kill a cactus. Too little is also deadly.
Personal boundaries don’t apply only to strangers, colleagues, friends and family. For two people to be truly happy in a loving relationship, each must be able to add to the pot of joy. There will be times when one will be up and the other, down. On average, however, there should be a steady balance through this roller-coaster of life.