It has been 699 days since my last post. We’re not the same person, you and I. How long has it been since you got back to the work that matters? My accountability partner and dear friend recommended that I have an outline and teaser to get the readers interested. Invite them to join in. So this is my feeble attempt at an outline, a rebuke to my spontaneous energy spikes and whims. To even out the peaks and valleys to have full control of my talents and energy.
It was never one thing. A series of events that led to the today. This present moment. A team of supporters and advisors to push and pull me. My South African friends, colleagues and mentors. Family. Authors: Kahlil Gibran, Marcus Aurelius, Michael Singer, Eckerdt Tolle, Han Gang, Lee Min Jin, 양귀자, 은희경.
What I wanted in plain sight without hiding my desires have come true. In 2023, I wrote on my black chalkboard: “Be in Korea by 1 Jan 2024”. I took off from Cape Town on 31 December 2023. This and everything else I ever wrote down has come true.
Since emptying myself of physical possessions, I have stayed in multiple airbnbs in 6 cities and 3 countries.
Sabbatical life afforded me a glimpse into the future. A mini retirement. My perspective is a privileged one. Work is a privilege. A community of people at large companies I have worked for are extremely talented and hard working. Spending time with colleagues has helped me grow and be exposed to opportunities to grow. Daily stressors keep the pencils sharp. Having a place to belong gives us a sense of comfort and direction. Having nowhere to go to, nothing to do, and no one to be held accountable to, I had to figure out how to fill my time.
January: Suspended in time, I walked and ate. For the first time since childhood, I had time to myself. Discerning the likes and dislikes. Grateful to myself for creating this opportunity for myself. Having enough money to draw from. I still don’t know how much money I spent, thanks to my abundance.
March: Incognito, fitting in with people who look like me. A brand new feeling. Because even as a child, I stood out with my name and academic performance. Overseas, I looked different. At work, I was the only woman in the cadre of engineers. Here, the “only” Asian with the American accent. Learning that I am Korean, the hardworking, studious and forever sharpening my pencils. I’ve never been around such hard-working people in my adult life… No wonder the country looks and operates the way it does.
April: Working at the convenience store. Geting ready to leave. I am from here, but it is too soon for me to be back here.
May: I need a large place for me to rest. This is something I’ve always had, and hence took it for granted… Now, I know better.
June: Large puzzle pieces missing from my life, missing social cues and finding discomfort in finding my serious comments funny. I use to say, “I’m only funny when I’m serious.” Finally seeing the world as others have seen it. Knowing why I missed so many things that I couldn’t see. Thanks to a chance meeting.
July: Learning to date with the divergent mindset. A numbers game to collect as many data points as possible. Reliability and keeping promises. Showing up on time. Knowing how to dress and carry on conversations… I’m surprised to find so many gaps.
August: Falling and recovering
September: Move to Cape Town
October: The middle
November: The lingering end. Brunch at a friend’s. He confirms what I already know. It’s hard to find good people that are good at their job.
December: Starting yet again. Being open to experience and staying honest to myself. To be. To be myself, unapologetically and honestly. To be wild to be me.