Category: Uncategorized

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

 

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

—Mary Oliver

The chatter continues under blue sky and a lot of wind.

Music sweeps us away.

Legs crossed, elbows resting against both legs, his thumb and index finger form an arc as he breathes in and out.

They say you radiate light when you reach enlightenment.

What is enlightenment, and how do you reach it?

Perhaps it is as simple as looking into the mirror and recognizing the person staring back at you. To be enlightened is to know your true self?

What if he has children? And they have a loving mother? What role will I play in their lives?

How about evil stepmother?

If all they get is love and comfort, how will they learn to navigate the reality of life?

Show them the importance of hard work. Disappointments of not getting what they want. Not having enough sometimes. Learning how to get by even with just a little bit. Love is conditional. And sometimes they will not get any of it.

And that there is no fairy godmother. Just hard work and a bit of luck.

Go right ahead, evil stepmother! Do your thing.

Blood and nutrients flow. The heart beats without a break. Its strength and resilience is second to none. The host is able to lead a healthy and active lifestyle.

The same heart transplants into another body similar in size and make-up. The more it tries to pump, the smaller the arteries become. Blood doesn’t flow. Electrical signals cut in and out. Valves malfunction.

But the heart must do what it was designed to do! It continues to beat against the host’s will.

Organ failure. Organ rejection.

Am I the wasted heart?

“I am so happy to see you…”

The caretaker leads me outside. Yes, I noticed the pavement caving in few weeks ago. And there is also a crack that is 2 feet long. We go downstairs.

The electrical meter room has a hole cut out and a pump to prevent the unholy matrimony of electricity and water.

It’s been like this for years, she claims. Apparently, there is a leak in the water main, and the local telecoms provider pumps out their pipe sleeve and manhole every few day.

She said she saved the entire building from complete meltdown.

I don’t know enough to disagree.

Yet, I can’t help but wonder why this wasn’t fixed long ago. And seriously reconsider the benefits of ownership. I just paid $5000 once off maintenance fee on top of monthly levy and shared costs to resolve overdue paint job worth $200k. Now, this?

“Until the Lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter”
-African Proverb

My friend mentioned this during our weekly check-in. I’ve been living in South Africa for 9 years, and my first time hearing it. Maybe I wasn’t spending enough time with the right people. I’ve been doing better prioritizing my time and people.

What this means to me:

1. Words trump physical strength or triumph. If I win and I can’t tell anyone, the loser with a pen will be revered as the victor.

2. I must face and fight the enemy to have a story to tell. Furthermore, I must survive.

3. I must write!!!

My team spent the whole day coming up with practical solutions.

Instead of picking a solution or adding valuable input, they throw another tantrum. And inaction wins again.

A whole day’s work is wasted (yet again).

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me again and again, shame on me.

Inefficient organism with zero accountability and no decision making authority. Everybody hides and blames.

I am becoming unshakable by creating more space, time, and patience between myself and petulant hypocrites.

I choose not to play the blame game with a long stick.

They throw sticks at me and lights a match.

Fhe fire won’t ignite. Because I am inert. I am unshakable.

A fancy dinner with friends. The ceiling illuminates with moving pictures. Laughter breaks out. We celebrate one another with yet another toast.

Suddenly.

A man in a dark suit follows our waitress towards our table. I can feel his laser gaze upon my face. It’s not menacing. Yet, it’s purposeful. I don’t understand.

She stops in front of me. He hands me a giant banquet of flowers and a bag of pistachios. He takes my photo.

A burst of joy. Explosion of happiness.

But, of course! He had mentioned flowers before, in jest.

He got me good. He is too good.

A board with 64 squares of alternating colors. Each player is given 16 pieces made up of 8 pawns, 2 bishops, 2 rooks, 2 knights, 1 queen and 1 king. 

King must be protected. The game ends when a player’s king falls.  

Queen is the most powerful, able to mimic moves of the king, rooks and bishops, but not the knight. Queen always in a straight line or diagonally, back and forth, across unlimited number of squares.

Knights move in L-configuration and never in a straight line.
Knights are often used to corner the king into a checkmate.
Bishops slide diagonally.

Pawns are the most versatile, and the most overlooked. When moving for the first time, pawns can move up two or one square forward. When taking the opponent’s piece, it must do so diagonally. It can only go forward. Other pieces do not have this restriction.

However, once they reach the other side, they can be promoted. Queen is the most popular and obvious choice, and hence this is also referred to as “queening”.

I used to sacrifice my pawns, holding dearly to my valiant knight. I was shortsighted.

Pawns must get the investment and protection they need to become the next Queen. The next Bishop. Once promoted, they shed their lowly soldier status.

Only pawns can transform into something greater than themselves.  

Hence, to win the game of life, I must recognize and develop my pawns.