Everyday, I count my blessings for being able to work from home. My friends and colleagues remind me to be grateful with comments like:
“We’re one of few companies in our country able to pay salaries in full”
“How lucky we are to have jobs still”
“We should be grateful to be able to work from home. Look at the essential workers.”
“Did you hear so and so got laid off?”
I agree 100%. Yes, we are privileged.
But why is that we never talk about the other side of gratefulness.
Probably because of stigmatism. Being labelled ungrateful (gratefulness is so on trend these days). Because I know what people will say.
“How dare you complain when you have a roof over your head?”
“Do you know how many people are willing to work to make the ends meet?
“People are selling their cars to buy groceries”
“My mom is sick but she’s our breadwinner. She still goes to work.”
And on, and on…
I agree. Yes, we are the privileged few.
But I also believe it is our right to complain. How else are we going to cope?
I am tired of working all the time at a heightened pace where everything is urgent and important. I hate that being grateful is on trend.
One meeting ends and another one starts with a click of a button. I have had to mute to go pee. I get a quick bite to eat in the kitchen, only to run to the desk in my room to answer my boss’s call. I start dinner after 6:30pm, and the phone rings again. When my phone rings after hours, it’s always an emergency. It’s always urgent.
Let me share my day. My Monday is usually hectic. I issued a survey which closed last night at midnight. Other input for this deck came in last night at 4:30. I have less than an hour to put everything together ahead of 07:30 meeting with my boss. After the call, I must make more changes.
Team meeting starts at 9am. One-on-One at 10am.
Do some work. Send emails. Make another change.
11:30. Five hours later after waking up, go pee. Brush my teeth. Wash my face.
My paper notebook tells me what I must do. Left hand side: work done. Right: What I must do. Left goes up at a slower pace than the right. I cannot keep clearing my over-due deliverables. It’s simple mathematics. Work required exceeds my rate of production. The only way to keep it up is working earlier and later. On Friday, I shut down my laptop at 10:30pm. I started producing this morning at 06:30am.
But you see, this cannot continue. The more I do, the more that is expected of me. I don’t mind the challenge, but it’s the same salary requiring more hours and more output at my expense. Literally and figuratively.
My electricity bill has doubled. I’ve had to get eyeglasses from straining my eyes from long hours.
I got paid on Friday, and my bills are sorted. I am grateful for my paycheck.
But I have an internal daily struggle, oscillating between gratefulness and frustration. Happy for a job and paycheck. Frustrated with the workload and never-ending meetings. Unhappy about the doom and gloom job market that will not have the fairy tale V-shape recovery.
Worrying about not being able to get another money printer if I were to quit and rest a bit before joining the workforce. It’s not just the work from home and crazy hours. It’s the impact of the overall economy and impact on the job market. The pressure of feeling sorry for those less fortunate than me. Inability to go out for dinner because of the lockdown. My flights to the USA are suspended. My plans to see old classmates and family have been cancelled. Feeling stuck. Really stuck. Not even able to leave my city.
I wish I could catch my breath and own my time, without anyone rushing me. I hate not being in control of my own time.
I want to press a long pause button. Same movie, but different frame.