Author: Han NaGil

And spending money for others can be uncannily satisfying. Imagining how happy they will be when the package arrives.

Why do we still see skinny models everywhere? Why aren’t there people who look more like the rest of us representedon ads?

This thought is sparked my a conversation I had with a lady in her 40s who is 178cm or about 5’11”. I joked she should be a run way model and she said no way. Why not, I asked. There are more women who look like her, than the super skinny lady I saw at the gym with a nice boob job.

Especially in Africa? People here have different body types.

Why aren’t people of color featured more here or elsewhere, for that matter?

We have no choice but to die. We don’t know when. We don’t know how. But this is a fact.

We have a choice to live or simply exist. We know this must be done now. We should know how. This is also a fact.

Yet, we fret about death.

Yet, we do nothing do fill our precious days.

Why do we waste our time worrying about the things we have no control over?

Why do we not do the things within our control?

Why?

After much needed and overdue self beration, I am back on track. Gymming. Working. Driving. Resting.

During the last two weeks, I realized how unmotivated and self absorbed I had been. I said it but didn’t believe myself when I told myself this is a great opportunity to grow. Now I believe it, and now I feel it in my bones.

I fall all the time. But I also get up as quickly as I can.

Artisans are not made overnight. It may seem simple, building and maintaining everyday items like pumps or motors. Changing oil. Replacing spark plugs. Installing a kitchen cabinet. Taking flanges apart and put them back together.

I once worked on an oil tanker during summer vacation. I had to drill holes and weld stuff. I had to connect things, like compression air pipes and make brackets. Sounds simple enough and I had been trained on all these skills. But I didn’t do these things aside from weekly 4 hour labs during school.

During those 3 months, I drilled and welded. I got better and faster but I was still a novice. I know how to do it, and what good looks like, but I don’t have the practical expertise to call myself an artisan.

Artisans take a different route from traditional university degreed professionals. They have to get their hands dirty. They must invest in quality tools. They go through apprenticeships to hone in their skillset.

We need more artisans to build quality products and buildings. It is a dying skill that require investment.

I have been fortunate to be exposed to both theory (strategy) and execution (build, operate, and maintain). The biggest gap in this world is with the execution…how do we get better, I wonder.

It’s getting warm. Finally.

The moonlit early morning is magical. It feels as if the world belongs to a few early risers.

I haven’t done what I was supposed to last night. Oh well

Artificial intelligence is synonymous with automation and simplification. Machine learning. Efficiency making. Saving valuable time. Time to rest. Time to do other value adding stuff.

At what cost?

I imagine AI causing chaos. Pitting people against one another. We don’t need nuclear weapon to destroy humanity. We just need one another to stop listening to opposing views and refuse to change our nonsensical views.

Wait… we don’t need terminators or AI. We are already living in the future. We have anonymous online accounts. We hide behind made up names and say things we would never utter in real life.

There will be fewer online attacks on one another if we are forced to wear our real faces and names instead of aliases. All comments and contents are linked to the person. The person is held accountable.

And I’d say we must do so immediately because our in person interaction are digital. One of most effective ways of being more kind to one another may be to be forced to wear our 3D faces on 2D screens.

The local train company’s staff is on strike again. Again is key.

The Uber driver thinks the company shouldn’t have let things get this far.

The radio comes on. The company offered 7.1% but the workers want 10%+ and other benefits.

The customers are stranded. I wonder how this will affect ridership. No riders. No train. No company. No workers. No pay.

Then he adds. People are selfish. They don’t want to consider anyone but themselves.

I add. You and I need each other. I needed someone to give me a ride. You needed a passenger.

We are all small but necessary part of this ecosystem we call family, company, city, society, country, world….and etc. We must all play our part. We must all sit out from time to time. Hold back a little. Push much harder.

And there is me. I am treading in this sea of selfishness, mine included. It is a good exercise to feel what I have never felt. How some people have had to deal with this feeling of being stuck for much longer than I. How I survive this phase of my life will define my future.

I once saw a four block cartoon in which a little girl got on the swing looking angry. By the time she hopped off the swing, she had a big smile on her little face. A literal mood swing.

What do you need to do from feeling down. What must you ride, to be lifted into lighter spirit?

Outside feels alive with people coming and going. I sit here, waiting for someone special to arrive. To have someone to wait for. To have someone to miss. To have someone I am willing to wait to see. It’s another gift of life I treasure on this slow Sunday afternoon.

The hair blows a little in the wind as the cars pass me by. The exhaust duct makes too much noise, but it’s only doing what it was made for.

I look for you but I don’t hear you. You must be near, yet too far for me to hold.

My feet swing on a metal chain in front of me.

You haven’t even left yet, but I still wait here and not there because here is nearer and here is lovely.

It’s just one of those simple and slow days. Happy to be alive. Grateful for having an able body. Proud to have rowed 10 kilometers after a week of over indulgence. Proving to my biggest critic that I am still strong. I can still do this.

Waiting. Observing. Staying still. Looking up and about. Locked in my own thoughts. Free from the digital cell. For how long, only time will tell.

I sit here and wait. Actively do nothing. Choosing to abstain from the world as I unleash this thought into the digital abyss, from whence I escaped from.