Month: January 2019

Into the pool of infinite possibilities filled with people and their stories. Their stories swirl and separate to entice and perplex those too afraid to enter the surface so wonderful and mysterious.

I am taking the plunge by freeing myself from chains made of lies, shame, and longing. I am freeing myself from imagined threats and dangers that are no longer there. I am freeing myself from self-imposed and false idea of who I am, based on who I thought I used to be. I am freeing myself from grief and hurt from the past. I am freeing myself to enter my body and not disassociate myself from the vessel that carries me. I am freeing myself from expectations and ideas to live life full of intention and meaning.

I am freeing myself from baggage that no longer serve me. Instead, I will feed on algae full of magic until I start floating effortlessly. Until I am free.

Bad things happen. You fall and bleed.

Is there anyone around to pick you up and tend to your wounds?

Good things also happen. You jump up and down.

Is there anyone around to share your good fortunes? Are you getting atta girl/boy pats on the back?

I hope you have worthy people around to take care and celebrate you.

Do they get upset when you are wronged? Are they over the moon when you hit the jackpot. Do they tell you the truth? Are they kind yet tough at the same time?

They are your cheerleaders, confidantes, and cabinet members.

So take care to surround yourself with quality people.

I am blessed to have so many cheerleaders who have vested in my overall well being. Thank you.

I stumbled upon Outside’s Do It Better columns by Brad Stulberg. I read six of his pieces, and I savored every word. I want to be his friend. I wish I had seen it earlier! It’s exciting to find someone you appreciate, isn’t it?  To celebrate, I decided to explore his thoughts from the column titled, “The Dark Horse Path to Happiness.”

According to Mr. Stulberg, we must know our core values to decide who and what we want to be. Then practice living those values, even if it means going against societal norms.

What do I love? Words. I know, how strange. Reading and writing has always been my thing. I love observing what may appear to be mundane, but exquisite once described using lyrical imagination. I like watching people grow. I like spending time outdoors when no one else is around. I have insatiable hunger for knowledge. My values? Growing and developing, as well as getting to know more about myself and the world is important to me. I like getting things done and moving on. I hate routines, except self-imposed ones, like doing squats and taking multivitamins every morning. I also hate chaos and so, I put routines in place to reduce mental exhaustion. I operate in the extremes.

Do I practice my values? Somewhat.
Is there room for improvement? Always.
Do I get stuck? Often.
Do I need help to get myself unstuck from time to time? Absolutely.

“In his latest book, “A New Republic of the Heart”, [Terry] Patten writes that life satisfaction is a byproduct of transitioning from being a seeker, or someone who wants a certain lifestyle, to a practitioner, or someone who lives that lifestyle day in and day out. “Practice,” Patten writes, “is about waking up again and again, and choosing to show up in life in alignment with one’s highest intelligence,” or what matters most… whenever you find yourself seeking, or wanting a certain outcome out of life, note what you’re doing and then refocus on practicing your core values. “When it comes, happiness is most often caused indirectly,” writes Patten.  It’s the result of repeatedly practicing the actions that work in service of your core values, a lifestyle that compounds with consistency and over time.”

Seeker vs. Practitioner. It’s easy to remember.

As I already mentioned in my previous post, I just signed up for an 8-week writing course to surround myself with like-minded lunatics and drive up personal accountability. Instead of wishing/seeking, I’m on my way to doing/practicing.

I’m excited.

A painting hangs outside.

A blend of your favorite color is painted twice a day, a kaleidoscope of the entire color palette.

Inside the frame, my long forgotten friend rears its round head (not as oval as yours), and slowly arcs across the sky, to illuminate the way, so that your favorite colors can descend safely alongside the light of day. In few minuets of pixies covered in star dust, the darkness of the night hungrily devours the moon.

Alone, I sit and admire what could be a perfect evening spent with you.

But I cannot deny the beauty of this moment, and as I reminisce about the past, a fresh set of rain washes away the painting like a distant memory.

Procrastinator no longer, or taking a break from extended impasse, I have just signed up for a eight-week writing course.

People often ask me what I spend my money on. Seldom on things and trinkets as I view them to be wasteful collections stemming from mindless consumerism and intentional distractions.

I decided to invest in myself and embark on an intentional journey towards my overdue goal of chronicling my own narrative.

Because I invest my money and time on people, not things.

Unleash the beast from within.

Reveal the best that has yet to see the light.

You tiptoe and bend your shoulders forward to hunch and fit through frames made for those much smaller than you.

You find this life bland and unappetizing because you thirst for more. You are meant to drink from fire hydrants, not a garden hose.

Your one step is their thousand little shuffles. And so you’ve slowed down to let them catch up to you. You had to stop altogether because your going slow is still too fast for them. Afraid of crushing them with your giant steps, you hesitate.

You breathe small breaths for the fear of blowing them away. You can barely stretch, for the fear of hitting the fluttering pygmies all around you.

Always, you are afraid of causing harm.

Until you come across a herd of larger than life creatures.

They look like you. They bellow. They create wind as they run through the forests blooming with imagination.

They beckon you to join them.

You bring your shoulders back. Take a big breath before gulping down the green and blue liquid. You take one massive step to leap across the ocean to join your family of giants.

Because we are only in charge of ourselves and no one else.

How difficult is it to change ourselves, our habits and our beliefs? How many times have you broken a promise to yourself? I will lose weight. I will go to the gym. I will be on time. I will always tell the truth.

We try with best of intentions and fail despite being “in control” of ourselves.

Now imagine trying to fix another imperfect human.

She is my antidote. Cure against chaos. Voice of reason. Guardian of sanity.

The spout tips and tears pour out.

I come out of drunken stupor. I see for the very first time. I am surrounded by halves, another childhood habit of appeasing the timid. To bridge the gap between the pedestal from which I am perched and those admiring me from afar. A friend recounted a similar childhood experience. He called himself the “reluctant golden child”. I was the same: reluctant and recalcitrant.

She reminds me of who I used to be and where I am. She asks me tough questions. She calls me out on my bullshit.

I empty myself. Truth pours out. I am lighter and stronger than I was before we spoke.

She is my star.

Another entry from 2016:

What you nurture

What you practice

Are the things that grow.

What you ignore

Items parked for procrastination

Are the things we never become.

Why are we so stingy with receiving kindness when we are too happy to give it to others?