Month: September 2018

As he flips the last pages, the heart gives away. The tears mark the end of the story he’s been nursing for few years. The characters no longer speak. The fire goes out but he still feels the warmth inside.

It was in the science fiction section. Written in 1950, the world imagined by Ray Bradbury is a spitting image of our digital addiction.

I’ve read this book at least three time.  I’m already almost done. I bought it today.

People staring at screens. Listening to their ear pieces. Avoiding controversies. Making things too easy. A toaster that would butter your toast for you. Imagined in 1950, a way of life today. Content short and easy to digest.

Personalized ads. Personalized TV shows. People hooked on technology and less on each other.

No one to adjust to. No one to cater to. The poker face folds. I let the sound of nature lull me deep into myself once again. I can only get here by myself.

How have I achieved my successes?

When I first started working, I knew nothing. I was the youngest person on site. Surrounded by men old enough to my father, my job was to tell them how to assemble gas turbine generator sets. They would ask me questions. I would say I don’t know. I’d read hundreds of pages of technical manuals. Understanding one system at a time. How does the cooling and sealing air work? Do I understand the piping and instrumentation diagram? How does this come together? The next morning, I would have an answer. If I couldn’t figure it myself, I’d ask my colleagues for assistance. Looking back, I think I had fun reading about the ways in which the fiery beast spun itself into megawatts of power. It was the fun factor that kept me going. Being curious. Wanting to understand. Being responsible. Being honest.

How did I spend my free time? There was no TV to watch. This was before the advent of streaming online services.

If I wasn’t reading about gas turbines, silence filled the room. No one to speak to. No one to do things with. Alone in a foreign country. Not that I had a lot of free time after working 11 hour days. Traveling to work took an hour. Then another hour back through the Shanghai traffic. I used to be lonely. Having to make new friends wherever I went.

I was successful because I worked hard. I worked long hours. Sometimes, I would go into the office after a full work day, only to leave at 2am to finish all the paperwork. I used to jump on conference calls 10pm most nights.

The younger me deserved all the successes of yesterday.

The present me, I’m not sure.

On cruise control, with no desire to speed up or slow down. Wanting to cruise to see where I’ll end up. When was the last time I drove aimlessly to find myself at the most fabulous place? Never.

I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I want to go. I am complacent. I’m dishonest with myself. I’m not putting in enough hours. My tools are rusty. I neglect my craft.

All things worth achieving should be written down. What do I want for myself? There’s ample time after working hours to sharpen my pencils. I don’t need to quit my job to write full time. Do great while earning my monthly pay check.

All things take time. All things worthwhile come ever so slowly. Have you ever watched a flower in bloom? It looks as if nothing is happening. Until one day, when you least expect it, the flower is in full bloom. You can’t help but marvel at its beauty. Its colorful hues. Beautiful things come slowly and suddenly. Then it’s gone. Except it’s not. It’s hibernating. Transforming itself. Resting and gathering energy before the next spring.  comes.

My favorite US Army phrase:

Train like you fight a war.

Don’t cancel training because it’s raining. During war, you have no choice to wade through the mud to get to the other side.

Don’t stop the march because of blisters on your feet. During war, you would be lucky to have boots to weather the storm.

Don’t be lenient on your staff because the enemy will show no mercy.

If you train like you fight, you will be ready for the worst. If the worst is yet to come, you will come out ahead of all those waiting for the perfect moment that will never come.

To be ready, we must train as if our lives depended on it. To be ready, we must step forward even when we don’t think we have what it takes.

34 months and counting

Sandile quit personal training to start his own business.  I was looking to save some money anyways, so ended the personal training saga. After two years, I had learned how to navigate what I thought were ‘men’s only’ areas. Which machines to use. Which free weights to swing. My favorite and best work outs: Squats and dead lifts. I knew what I was doing. The form, breathing and concentrating on the right muscles. I now see more women in the weight section. I’d like to see more.

I still care about looking great in my clothes, but this isn’t the only motivator. Am I living the best life for my body? Am I nourishing my body? Am I keeping up my fitness levels? Am I healthy?

I used to believe in the ‘mind over body’. I used to get sick after punishing my body. Sprinting the last portion of the 5km races to shave off 20 seconds. It was too much and too soon. The body would complain and shut itself down for days, if not weeks.

I now believe in the body over mind. Without the body, the mind has nowhere to live. Without the mind, there is no body. Body = Mind.

My fitness journey will continue. Being fit isn’t about looking good. It’s about being healthy. Looking good always helps, doesn’t it? Better stress management. Being strong means I can carry everyone’s bags when they are all bleeding from an accident. Being strong means I can carry someone on my back. Being strong means having some reserve left to carry myself to the finish line when I’m not at my best.

As important as it is to allow ourselves to detour from our path and come back again, we need time to let things settle. Let it simmer and thicken until we’re ready to pour ourselves out of the pensive.

“Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one to ask why.”

Phase Two (9 months to 33 months; 2 years

I had just finished rowing my routine one-hour, or 12km. As I was catching my breath, I was asked if I would consider personal training. 3 sessions for $25. The younger me would have said no. Why would I pay someone when I was doing the work myself? The older me decided to give it a try.

I was keeping up the weekly cooking on Sundays. It now took 2 hours instead of the combined 7 hours. I also maintained my gym routine, but was getting bored of pure cardio: stationery bike and intense rowing.

After 3 sessions, I committed to working out with the personal trainer every Thursday afternoon from 4 to 5pm.

After a year of personal training, my weight stayed the same. I lost 15cm of circumference from my arms, thighs and stomach. Clothes fit better. Muscle had replaced fat (debunking the myth: people gain weight after exercising because muscle weighs more than fat. No… you would maintain your weight as the muscle will replace the fat, which in turn will reduce your overall size. If you gain weight after exercising, you’re also eating too much food of the wrong food as your appetite increases post exercise). I had become my leanest and strongest.

The way I thought about my body changed. Before, it was purely superficial. Wanting to look good. Looking good was now a byproduct.

The new me wanted to get stronger and maintain my fitness. After two years of training, I reintroduced carbohydrates. I ate whatever I wanted. I sometimes ate too much. Other times, I was too sick to work out from exhaustion from work or traveling abroad. But I always found ways to bounce back. To get back into the routine. The slack in the yo-yo became shorter.

I didn’t achieve some of the goals I had set for myself: Get a six-pack and do a pull up. Yet, I don’t see this as failure. I gym at least 2 times a week. Six packs are made in the kitchen, and I love to eat to get there. A compromise.

Biggest revelation: I used to work out 5x a week to maintain my weight. I must now maintain twice a week. Weight training is 125% more efficient than cardio for weight maintenance and fitness training. I still love to row and bike. Instead of an hour, I have reduced both to 20-30-minute to set aside time for weight training.

0-8 months

I made fruit + vegetable juices for breakfast and packed lunch and snacks.
I reduced my portion from 4x to 1x appropriate for my body.
I went to the gym every day, 10 minutes at a time.

Week 1: I lost 2 kg in 5 days. During this time, my body thought it was starving as it was used to eating 4 times my ideal portion size. Stomach shrunk on day 6 and the body stopped complaining.
Week 2: I lost another 1kg.
Week 8: I lost another 2kg.

In two months, I lost 5 kg.

By month 3, I was going to the gym 5 times a day and working out for an hour. By then, a total loss of 6 kg.
By month 8, I was in the habit of 1) eating regularly; 2) eating the right food and amount; and 3) working out regularly

It wasn’t easy but not impossible. Discipline took over. Every Sunday, I bought fresh produce and cooked and packed away lunch and dinner for the week. Shopping took 2 hours. Cooking another 5 hours. I cut out all carbohydrates. No bread. No rice. Every morning, I would make freshly squeezed juice for breakfast.

Five years ago, I went through a breakup. Pounds piled on from emotional eating. A year later. Four years ago, I added 11 percent (6 kg or 13.2 pounds) of ideal body weight from working 13-hour days. Not eating during the day (too busy). Going home and stuffing myself before passing out.  Spending too much time on screen and not on myself. A vicious cycle.

I knew I was gaining weight, but the seriousness didn’t hit me until 3 years ago, and around this time. My knees hurt. I wasn’t happy with myself. I couldn’t see how big I had become until I saw myself in a friend’s photograph. My face a big ball with sausage arms and legs. I didn’t recognize myself. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The image of myself didn’t coincide with what I saw on the screen.

I couldn’t wear dresses or skirts because they rode up too high. Half of my clothes didn’t fit and I had to decide: Buy new wardrobe or lose weight. I chose the latter because I didn’t have the time nor the money. And I wanted feel good about myself.

I decided to change three things:

1. Not eating three times a day (not feeding my body) – Feed regularly
2. Eating too much – Portion control (starvation to survival mode)
3. Not exercising (sedentary lifestyle) – Move

I went through three phases.

 

Without structure, there can be no process. He prides himself in breaking down my structure. But I thrive within it. Without it, I can’t make things fit. Without it, I can’t do the things that are important to me.

It’s 9:30am, and it’s bright outside. It feels hot. I step out into the patio to soak up the outside. I wrap myself with a cardigan to take in the breezy refreshment.

It’s blue and green outside. The big tree has buds fighting to escape and savor the airy refreshment.

Why, why, why. Don’t I do this more often?

The first day off was just yesterday. Not so bad. Gym. Steam. Sauna. Groceries. Two movies.

Watchmen. I had watched it before. There is a blurred line between the good and evil. Good people do bad things. Bad people do good things. How do we define the good vs. evil? How do we separate the two?

The way we live has not caught up with the realities of today.