Month: January 2018

I’m shopping for a used car. It may be cheaper to buy a new one. The first dealer I went to charged more for the used car, when comparing it to the brand new model.

I didn’t know any better. Except I know best to ask the experts working for VW. They were shocked and told me so.

I’m not sure if I should spend another $1000 to buy a “better” car. Or, go down and save about the same amount. Because at the end of the day, both will be covered by the manufacturer warranty.

Some may say I’m splitting hairs. They may have a point. But I wonder, what else could I get for that $1000. A month’s mortgage payment. Two weekend trips to a friend’s wedding. 10 Fancy dinners for two. 10 awesome outfits. When I assign the value of experience, the $1000 seems like a lot. But in absolute terms, it’s only $1000.

The car I drive doesn’t define me. It must get me from point A to B safely and economically. And so, I guess I’m leaning towards saving money. Purchase a used car with fewer than 20,000 kilometers less than R160,000. That’s about $15,000.

 

I wish I could dial back the clock and prevent the accident. Go on that safari. But some good came of it.

A friend came to get us as soon as I called her. A four hour drive.

Another friend drove eight hours to reach us.

A friend found a place for me to stay the night while the three were admitted. She even sent some money for the night’s stay.

Family back home did everything they could.

Few work friends help me sort out the insurance.

Everyone gave words of encouragement and asked what they could do.

Even the radiology administrator: Michael. His daughter and I have the same birthday. He volunteers to work every new years and Christmas.  Everyone let me charge my phone off of their desktops. Everyone was kind enough to offer condolences. The guy at the pharmacy backdated the meds because the day I got the prescription, I was too preoccupied to fill them.

All the friends who gave me referrals for the plastic surgeon. The surgeons who spoke to me and answered questions while they were on vacation by the beach.

The parents and boyfriend who offered assistance despite their own malady.

I’m still worried. Giant bottle of anxiety, worry and blame is contained inside. It seeps out and I turn avoidant. I still wish I could have a month off where I can turn off the world and its inhabitants. I wish I could rest.

But for now, I am grateful. I am truly blessed. This too, shall pass. All good things. All bad things. They must come and go.

The car rolled four times. I was the driver on a gravel road. Three injured. Being short has its advantages – I walked away unscathed.  The aftermath, I’d say was even more traumatic than the accident itself for me. I still suffer from bouts of survival guilt, but I have no choice but to trudge on.

Waiting for the ambulance that didn’t come. Handing the key to the wrong tow truck. Burning cash to pay for the x-rays. CTs. Hospital admissions. Worrying about the now. Panicking about the future.

At least everyone is stable now. We’re all breathing on our own, standing on our own two feet. Little things we take for granted. I went to the gym few days ago…how lucky everyone is to have their biggest worry be to lose weight or get strong.

Dad experienced allergic reaction to heavy pain meds. Couldn’t breathe. Cold. Dizzy.

Upon researching causes for neck pain, I grow grateful once again. In South Africa, he didn’t have to wait to get an MRI. As soon as the payment guarantee letter was issued from overseas, they spent an hour doing the MRI, while the expert radiologist was looking through his laptop at home. A neurosurgeon was promptly contacted for further care. The emergency doctors are not specialists, but they had access to the network.

People often ask me why I don’t live in the USA. The same applies for the parents. I always tell them that I prefer the life in South Africa. The people here are so sweet and nice. Their attitude towards life weaves the pleasant culture that permeates in all that we do. Despite the horror of the accident, they are beginning to see why I speak so fondly of this place I call home.

 

About this time last year, I spent full week writing 12 chapters describing the year 2016. This year is a bit different. Why? Car accident. Hospital visits. Survival’s guilt. Gratitude for things and friendships I’ve cultivated. Regrets for how things could have been. Should have been. Moving on. Avoiding things and people. This vicious cycle. The avoidance tactic. The need to tackle things head on. The careful dance between the light and accompanying shadow.

The fear takes over. Hope triumphs. Using this as an opportunity to get to know the two family members. Getting deeper into myself. Getting deeper into the other person. Leaning. Expecting. Taking a step back. Wanting self-preservation.

A big picture, we must be able to see. Except I wish I could wish everything away and let the good moments linger just a bit longer.