Month: June 2017

How much do we make?  She’s also doing two jobs, just like me. Stressed out and not sure how she can keep all the balls up in the air, which is another similar situation. Except she makes one third of what I make. For the same number of hours worked. For the similar levels of stress and unrealistic demands of her company.

Life isn’t fair. Never take the first offer. The employer wants us for the lowest amount. We want the highest salary. How do you strike the right balance? The hiring manager is the only one who’ll fight for our increase. HR is the support behind the cost center owner to get us in with the lowest amount.

The best way to negotiate is through practice. Learn to talk about money. The more we talk, the better we’ll be able to carry the conversation, and lead ourselves towards our goals. The more we talk, we’ll grow more confident and less comfortable. I think more people should talk about their salaries and understand their market value to equalize the pay gap in the work place.

To get more, we must demand more. To demand more, we must know more. To know more, we must do our homework. To execute, we must practice, practice and practice.

A new direct report calls asking for assistance. I respond, “did you talk to him in person?”

Him: “No, but I’ve sent him multiple emails.”

Me: “Please see if you can resolve this by talking to him face to face. And ask your colleagues to help you out. If you still don’t’ come right, please let me know”

Three days ago, I told the team that my job is to enable and support them, which means they are empowered to solve their own problems. Come to me if they need help. But they must do the work first and exhaust all options before coming to the manager. Otherwise, how will they learn to deal with difficulties and complexities of the things to come?

Have you asked someone to help you before helping yourself first? Have you been asked the same thing?

It took me three years and five months to complete the Toastmaster Competent Communicator manual by doing 10 prepared speeches. For the last one, like the other two, I had no time to prepare, so I winged the 8-10 minute speech. I talked about my public speaking journey. How I used to be so shy that I’d never talk to anyone. When I did, I’d stutter and grow frustrated. And so, I shunned social interactions because I was bad at it. Instead, I retreated into written words because it was safe there. The world created with total control in my own mind.

I grew up. I got a job. I had to learn to be a better speaker without freaking out all the time. Such stage fright. Having to over prepare and stressing over for what, exactly.

So I made a decision to join the Toastmasters. Do you know how many speeches it took to take away my fear of speaking? The first one. Because nothing bad happened. No one poked fun. I won the best prepared speech of the night with the Ice Breaker. I was better than my insecurities.

After I completed the last one, CC10, the members congratulated me with a standing ovation. Humility and gratefulness took over.

Now, I can move on to a different challenge.

I’ve had to move out of my place once again. Dust everywhere. Bed packed up without my knowing. Never ending packing and unpacking. One of my least favorite things to do? Unpack. Why? Because I don’t know where to put them away when living in a temporary home. And so, they all kind of go wherever and I have no idea where anything is. A total chaos.

One benefit of the renovation inefficiency? I’m more patient. I don’t throw fits. I just ask the person in charge to make it right. I’ve learned to let go of the things out of my control and filter my anger.

Once a week gym session with the personal trainer leaves me completely exhausted. In an attempt to increase the frequency to 3x a week, I row for twenty minutes. I don’t stretch as much as I should. Two hours later, I jump on the kitchen counter to put something away, only to twist my left shoulder. I’m going to feel this for a long time.

Always pushing too much and too soon. I’m not sure that I’ll ever learn to find the true balance.

My first time hurting from working out. This aging thing is real, isn’t it? But I had fun. It felt like I was back in the game. Now, where is the set of headphones I used last?

And it begins again. I park my car near my old office and walk to the new. I stop to get fruits and yogurt at the cafeteria, and the lady next to me radiates booze and cigarettes. Great sniff to start the morning, said I never.

It’s quiet without the buzz. No sense of urgency, and warmer in temperature than the other building.

I’m doing my best to stop thinking about the value-detractors. The ones I must wean myself from, while letting negative emotions cycle through.

I’d rather think about those that matter. In two weeks, a friend is leaving the country for good. During the past twelve months, he taught me how to have fun despite the hard knocked life stuff. We’re compatible getaway buddies. He’s not perfect, and I’m not either. We have disagreements, and he doesn’t meet all the needs of a friend. I don’t either. Sometimes he’s frustrating to be around, and I’m too serious for him at times. He and I can talk about the things we can’t with anyone else.

We love each other without expectations. He makes him buy him fancy dinner, a good excuse to hang out and laugh. I can afford it, and he knows it. This makes me laugh. No one else would demand such dinners from him, and for this, I am appreciative of his company.

I used to hate saying goodbyes and would wallow with longing long after. After people leave my daily life, I’ll probably never see them again, or at most once a year…

I used to fight against the inevitable goodbyes of life, but I’ve been taught to embrace the change with more grace and less snot. Now I understand… all good-byes are supposed to be bittersweet. Bitter for the goodbye and sweet for all the times we shared together.

I bid adieu to a friend who helped me get through the 2016 and 2017. The one who picked me up from the hospital when I was knocked out. The friend who accompanies me on exotic trips. The friend who lends me his bed when I have nowhere to go. The friend who buys me things when I prioritize others before my own wants and needs. The friend I can call on to help me get through the day.

Thank you for your present of effortless friendship.

Last Thursday at work, we talked about quality. What it means and what it doesn’t.
Seth Godin wrote about quality on the same day.
My friend and I told each other of the first transgender person we encountered.
Two pairs of the same event took place on the same day.

These things happen all the time. We don’t know about it because we don’t do enough talking and listening.

Similar thought entered during the full-day workshop on Thursday. They are busy, but not working cross-functionally. Wasting time solving problems already resolved or of no importance. Not understanding who their customers are. Over-investing in the wrong things. Not asking the right questions. They haven’t even met anyone from 8 other pillars within the newly formed company?!

One of them is a big talker and doesn’t understand the question before answering. They want to be spoon fed. Do they understand the importance of the remaining six months before the financial-year end close? The team of 30 must prove their collective value-add. Otherwise, everyone will lose their jobs…
Do they don’t understand the why?
Do they understand the importance of rapid prototyping to create value?

My first priority is to get to know the team and make connections with my cross-functional stakeholders to get their buy-in and support to leverage their expertise and relationships. Get everyone to talk more to one another within our silos but most importantly, the rest of the organization.

Talking is the most efficient way to get information and get things done. Stop emailing. Stop calling. Stop messaging! Go and talk to someone! Go make a connection!

Write every day. At the same time. At the same place. Generate at least a page a day.

Vonnegut, King, and Grisham. They all say the same thing about writing. Why not listen to the experts? I am! Look at the letters appearing on my screen. Are you as excited as I am?

I place the newly purchased desk next to the second-hand bed, and the bed next to a big bright window. It’s quiet, and I have no itch to be elsewhere. Maybe the gym? It can wait.

The laptop went kaput again on Wednesday, and I have a loaner. It’s better in terms of size, weight and the keys spring back every time the finger commands a letter. It used to belong to the CEO. I wonder if he did the two finger shuffle.

The loaner wouldn’t have been possible had it not been for the lady who provides technical support to the executive staff. We have a great relationship. She gives me the loaner without me asking.

I am nothing without the people behind me. The support they provide. Relationships based on trust and respect. Often, the most important relationships are overlooked. The support staff (technicians, personal assistants, and secretaries) determines who and when the plebes can see the big boss. They are often overlooked. Instead of being respected, they are commanded upon.

They talk to the big boss all the time, and drop comments about the people that come their way. All based on their own personal experience. They’re good judges of character, and their expertise is unquestionable. Some say I’m manipulative. They say that I’m only nice to them to get stuff out of them.

I’m nice because they deserve to be treated with the same respect I extend to the CEO. Because they are a valued member of the workforce, and they too, are doing difficult jobs to get their bosses from point A to Z on a daily basis. Let’s not forget how important they are to ensure highest productivity of the people who must make difficult decisions every day.

People forget how critical they are to the company. To their bosses. To the rest of us. And so, I treat them with respect, and they return the favor.

It’s not give and take. Give, give and give. Then give a bit more. You may be surprised at what you get back one day, especially if you give without expectations.

I’d better get there early to meet and greet. Except, I can’t right now because I’m too angry. I’m also aware of the shadows I’ll cast, and so I linger. I can’t bring myself to rise and face the world. All eyes will be on me.

Instead of bathing in rage, I must shower with calmness.

I lay out a carpet. I sit and look straight ahead. I stretch and breathe. I remind myself. The people I’ll see later has nothing to do with my rage, and they don’t deserve the negative emotion building inside of me.

They expect to see a friendly leader who’ll bring forth much-needed change. The highly charged magnet they hired to drive the impossible.

And so, I delay to exhale. I am late to the session because I don’t want to be here.

Once I arrive, however, I turn on the light to exude the lightness despite the rage within. I greet and smile. I play the part. The giant stirs inside but is put to rest for now.

And the buzzkill settles in.

Back to the grind away from creative efforts. Pointed questions take over. How do we short-circuit? How do we reduce the cycle time?

I walk across to my new home and the boss’s desk is empty.

I run into my boss’s boss: the CEO.  I tell him, “I’m starting my first day here, and I’m so excited!” He welcomes me, and I correct him by rhyming my name with a piece of fruit. I give him a high five and smile.

Afterwards, I wonder… perhaps a hand shake would have been more appropriate?