Month: May 2017

I hate this game, but if forced to play, I will. And if forced to play, I’ll play to win.

But I don’t like this finite game with winners and losers. I like the game in which we don’t have to check the contract because we are one team with one goal. Instead of pointing fingers and pushing back, saying ‘we’re not supposed to do this before xyz…’, I welcome, ‘We can if …”

I just sent a series of mails to a senior leader after playing ‘nice’ and seeing no traction.

Eish.

I look forward to the invite game with no clear winners and losers. I hope we can all adjust to the new rules to have fun instead of playing hokey pokey all around.

The controller in me wanted to take a back seat to give the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she’ll do a good job without so many check points and prodding. So I let go and don’t check up for two weeks.

She tells me I can move in, so I schedule movers and furniture delivery. Upon arrival, I see defects everywhere. Painting must be redone. Paint is everywhere. The cabinets are not done. The floor re-sanded, varnished, and polished. The curtain doesn’t hang right. The spaces in between pleats are uneven and looks cheap. The fan in one room spins one way. The other one, the other….

An overall shoddy work. No sense of pride in the work or ownership.

And so, I’ve moved in, but they’re going to have to fix it in the next two weeks.

Why do we hurry and do things half way just to fix it and do it again? Why do it thrice what can be done once?

And so, I am back to my controller way of working. I’ve posted red post-it notes around all the defects.

He tries to walk past. He’s too quick. His smile too bright. Something must be wrong…? So she stops him and calls him in. One by one, we grow to a size of 6. We all sit around a table fit for 20.

To get to the real problem, she digs deep. Her questions are designed to invite yes/no answers. Once she gets to a ‘no’, the how is asked. Then the clincher. Why is this happening, and why are we only finding about this now?

“So, it works for one set of data, but not the other? The logic is broken for the other set?”

Apparently a known issue to one party but not the rest of the team.

“…Wait… didn’t someone raise this two months ago, and you told us everything was fine…? You’re telling us now, less than 24 hours before going live that the system will only give us 50% of the solution?
After we told you…this is the biggest game changer for us?”

Her sharpness cuts through the silence. No one dares to speak. When she resumes, her voice is devoid of anger. She grows calm and asks how we can solve the problem.

She asks whether we can still turn things on. We have a promise to keep. She asks for practical and comprehensive plan of action based on real timelines, effort required and impact, before close of business Monday.

“…But that’s too short of a timeline…”

“Please present us with standard operating procedure. Further, this is a product defect you’ve known for months. We trust you to come back to us no later than Noon. Thank you.”

She adjourns the meeting.

What can we do when the service provider fails and is unable to deliver? The person in charge can’t do the work so he makes circular excuses. The money spent on the provider is wasted. Sunk.

We find out too late…the very people we’ve been berating for failing to deliver, they’re not the problem. They’re suffering just as much. Worse than the rest of us. Their shepherd has failed his flock of hard-workers.

All this time, we’ve been faulting the herd for flying blind, not the Shepherd.

The leader who gives zero Fs about his flock. The leader who knows nothing and can’t be bothered to learn. Doesn’t care to ask questions. And so, everyone under his leadership flairs and fails.

What do we do when they fail and bring others down with them?

We have to fill the gaps once again. If we don’t, we’re just as bad as the lazy Shepherd. Perhaps worse because we see how hard they’re trying. We see how much they want to learn. We see them grasping for straws.

Frustrating? Yes. Annoying? Totally.

But if we care. If we want to succeed, we must do the impossible. We must do what no one else wants to do. We must do the things that others are too afraid to do.

Once fixed, and not patched. Once the strong foundation is built and maintained, the flock can pick up the pieces. They can carry on without their blinders on, no longer leaning on the incompetent.

Once done and done well, our work is done.

I leave work at 3 to go home early to nap before pumping out more content.

Good to have plans, but life’s got plans of its own.

What usually takes me 30 minutes takes 3 hours. Why? Disgruntled workers driving slowly to make a point. 

To be told over a text message that you no longer have a job is no small matter. No letter. No face to face. How cold and callous is that? Not even a month’s notice… Don’t we all have bills to pay? Mouths to feed?

I feel for them, but can’t help but feel frustrated.
After exiting the car, I let out a small scream.

I’ve never heard you say, “I was speeding with the intent to kill.”

Instead, I often hear: “I’m so sorry. I was in a hurry, running late to an important meeting. I didn’t mean to hit your car. I didn’t mean it. My intentions were good…!”

Or, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I’m breaking up because I don’t find you attractive.”

Intentions are important, but they’re not everything.
Intentions don’t hurt people.

Actions hurt people.
What hurts more?
Doing nothing.
Saying something different from what’s on your mind.

I’ve been ‘homeless’ for three months. Not having one place to rest my aching bones. Wasting time packing up and unpacking. Not quite settled in. Forgetting my sneakers and missing a gym session. Forgetting flip flips at the gym showers (gross). Not knowing where my nail clippers are. A side project taking up space in my head. Not knowing where my things are! Being nudged to live minimally and to be honest, it’s been refreshing.

I have 3 sets of keys that’ll get me into

1. my flat under renovation
2. temporary home abode at a friend’s
3. another’s friend’s if I need to give my #2 friend some space

I have access to three houses. And access to two more.

It’s been inconvenient being ‘homeless.’ Yet I’m glad, because living with friends has been fun. Spending unplanned time. Cooking and eating together. Chilling and talking throughout the day. It’s been nice to have a nice person to come home to and say good morning when we first wake up.

I have access to three generous homes and kind-hearted friends.
I’m not ‘homeless.’

Some people make good decisions while the rest stagnate and stall out with the bad. What separates the best from the rest?

Before acting, the best ask ‘the why’ before answering ‘the what’ and ‘the how’

They are not people pleasers but expert expectation managers.
Everything they do, they do with integrity and transparency.
They distill relevant information to get to the what.
They escalate if necessary.
They understand the repercussions of their (in)decision.

They don’t shove decisions down people’s throats.
They greases the wheels so the cogs are able to turn on their own.

They do what is right.
They’re confident contrarians because nothing is more dangerous than group think.
They’re in for the long-term.

Let’s take a critical look at our relationships. The people we spend the most time with, are they investing their own time and effort to keep it going? Or, are we doing all the work? Are they challenging us to do what’s best, or are they bringing us down? Can we call on them when we’re at our worst?

If the answer is no, are we ready to do something about it? Are we ready to part ways with those that break promises, hurt and demean? Can we purge them out of our lives?

Hurtful, cruel, biting, and self-serving.  People who just can’t give, be kind, or loving. It may not be their fault. They most likely have issues of their own. But don’t we all have problems of our own? The shadows of the past? The uncertainty of the future?

Saying goodbye is never easy. Once we cut ties, we change our lives. We are more careful of who we let into our trusted inner circle.

Most of us trust too easily. Why do we find ourselves in relationships that are demeaning, demanding, and manipulative? Do we believe we’re unworthy of love and support we lacked as children? Is it because we don’t know what love, care and compassion look like?

Is it time to take a hard look at ourselves by asking questions no one asks of us?

1. How am I special?
2. What important gifts, talents and abilities do I have that I love to use?
3. What can I do to support the things that are closest to my heart?
4. How do I stand out in the world?
5. What are my core values and how am I honoring those in my life and work?
6. What matters most to me, and why is that?
7. When I turn 90 years old, what do I want to be remembered for?

We are not taught to understand ourselves, or dare to look at how special and valuable we are. Exploring these questions does not mean we’re self-absorbed or narcissistic. We can’t leverage our unique gifts if we aren’t aware. If we don’t know ourselves, we don’t know which tribes we need to join. Which tribes to create.

Instead of turning on the TV. Going on YouTube to see the latest video from whoever we’re following. Trending the latest fashion on Pinterest and all the other ‘value-adding’ distractions… Because they will just fill our heads with lies. Buy this to be more beautiful. Do this to be more desirable. Say this to seem more successful. To whom, we ask? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Doing these things won’t make us love ourselves even more, aside from wasting time and money in short supply.

Instead, could we please free up time to get to know the most important person in our lives? Ourselves? How we value and treat the person within? Once we’re sure of ourselves, we can be surer of the people we surround ourselves with. Once we’re sure of ourselves, we can build and nurture the relationships that matter the most.

Let me go first.

1. I’ve been asking questions for as long as I’m alive. I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind. I question until I understand. I’ve gotten in trouble, but I’ve created more value with this approach.
2. Say out loud the questions most people are afraid to ask, but on most people’s minds. I challenge and coach people to be better version of ourselves. I am good at calling out on people’s bullshit (excuses). I guess you can say I have a pretty good bullshit radar.
3. I like helping little people. The under dogs. I’m passionate about education. The more they know, the more they can apply themselves.
4. I stand out in the world with my strong energy. People can feel my presence when I’m around. I stand out for getting things done. I drive outputs. I start everything with the end in mind.
5. My core values are continuous improvement, defying the status quo, and standing up for the little people. Defying the stereotype and doing what’s right when nobody is looking.
6. Well-being of myself and those closest to me matters the most. I protect and fight for those too small. Where does this come from? Long time ago, when I was too small and afraid, I would imagine and hope for something bigger than life that would come to my rescue. A magical being that would embrace and stroke my hair, while telling me that everything will be okay.
7. When I turn 90 years old, I’d like to be remembered for doing good in the world. Remembered for being the person
   • …who took the time to notice the unnoticed and pushed people to see how great they are
   • …who believe that we’re more ready than we think. If we waited until we’re 100% ready, we’re already too late
   • … who reminded everyone that the biggest obstacle is often ourselves
   • …who convinced the world that the most important person of our lives is the  very person looking back at us in the mirror. So take care. Be well and get happy. We can’t help others when we’re too weak. We can’t help when we’re bleeding and wading in our own sorrows. We can only help when we are strong ourselves.

Now, it’s your turn. I hope you create and protect time to prioritize yourself. Please feel free to share Hannagil@lifeplunger.com

Thanks for your time. Thanks for participating.

Boots are out. Jacket covers my upper torso. It’s officially winter down here.
Grey walls. Grey floors. They mute the world and shield me from external pressures.
The same color feels oppressive when the sun goes away, and I grow less gay.

When it’s grey outside, I grow ponderous.
Everything becomes a blank canvas full of potential, and nothing to show for itself. An expression of possibility. Where do I start?

I’m supposed to work today and generate serious content to do savvy change management before rolling out a new IT solution. I don’t want to. I’m not in the right mood. I hate working during weekends. I really do.

So I sit and write. But I want to write down my private thoughts and not about work.

I have failed as a leader because the specialist writing the content hasn’t produced quality output. So here I am, filling the gap again. The better leader I become, the smaller the gap becomes. How do I prioritize and spend time with people that need me the most?

Until I figure it out, I must sit and write. Write and write until I’m done.