Month: March 2017

I wish I had told you.

And now it’s too late.
Or is it ever too late?

Maybe the time is now.
No more what ifs.
No more regrets.
No more I will wait until the time is right.
No more I will wait until tomorrows.

I have something to tell you.
I hope it’s not too late.
I hope I am not too forward.
I hope I don’t scare you away with my frankness.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
It may not be forever.
I may change my mind tomorrow.
You may not want to see me the day after tomorrow.

But before it’s too late, and before fear takes over.
I’d like to remind myself of how I feel about you. Tell you how you make me feel.

You make me smile.
You fill me with hope.
You are lovely outside.
You are beautiful inside.

If you are reading this, you have found a way into my heart.
If you are reading this, I hope you know that this message is meant for you.

I say too much.
Gone are the days of saying too little.
Often, it’s better to say nothing.

I am learning to charge the room with silence.
To create space
To let others join in
To let others have a say
To let others try
To let others succeed
To let others fail
To let others delay

To do so requires patience.
To do so requires so much patience.
To do so requires patience I lack still.

Today, I struggled.
Today, I failed.
Tomorrow, I will start over.
Tomorrow, I will do better.
Tomorrow is yet another day.

Four years since my last interview. I did the best I could. I smiled. I spoke with passion but I missed some critical details.

External stress reduces my fuel tank. I can’t go as fast. I can’t go as far.

• laptop not working
• restructuring in full swing
• planning renovations
• not sleeping well for the past 28 days
• feeling ill and
• not being able to work out

Still, I’m disappointed. Could have done better had I prepared more. But I couldn’t. So I didn’t. Learning to be kinder to myself. But I hate disappointing myself.

Cold sweat runs down the back. Body feels weak. Half hour into the training session, body wants to call it quits. The mind resists. But it gives in. Both seek shelter and refuge from the world. Body commands carbohydrates. The body passes out and sleep through the night. The mind sleeps through the alarm. It’s bright outside.

She disarms the room with her simple smile. They hold their breath. They strain to hear her every word. She commands attention. She fills the room and its inhabitants with electricity. Thunderstorm looms. Lightning strikes. The shock travels up to the pit of their stomachs. Her words touch their hearts. The heart opens their minds.

They cannot resist the power she has over them.
The power of her quietness. The power of her softness. They have never experienced anything like it.

Quiet 1 – Aggression 0

It’s Sunday. I still can’t see.

I have to go into the office! Not my ideal Sunday. Not my ideal day.

Sacrifices must be made and today is just one of those days. I’m not happy about it. But life ain’t fair, and that’s that.

In less than 30 minutes, I pick out and purchase household appliances for the first time in my life.

1. Dryer
2. Dishwasher
3. Extractor
4. Fridge
5. Microwave
6. Oven
7. Stovetop
8. 49” television

Year-end sale saves me roughly 30%.

It’s less than my annual travel budget. When I make that comparison, I grow less overwhelmed.

How much time does it take to undo a habit? It’s been eight days since I last wrote.

My laptop screen stopped working and I stopped writing. I have to catch up on the last seven days. I can’t help but be overwhelmed. But where do I start?

Curveballs of life derails my commitment to write daily. How do I recover?

One word at a time.

Where have you been in the past 80 days?
Have you been around the world?

Not me. Not this year.
Definitely not in the past 2 months and 22 days.

I used to get the itch to travel.
To see and experience something else, something new.
Those days are long gone.
I have grown old.
I no longer need to escape from reality.
I stay where I am.
To savor the gift of today.

To be me and no one else.
To enjoy the time to myself.
To enjoy the kindness from friends, family and strangers.
To enjoy the mundane harvest from average life.

I’ve been exploring myself in the past 80 days.
I’ve been around the world of my own creations.